she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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