OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
