Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
