its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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