i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
