the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
