I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
only you would photoshop your dick
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize