I look better un-naked...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
