Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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