is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
