My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
