he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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