Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
