just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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