can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
