I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
