yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
