Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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