God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
