eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
