I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
organizing the empties. That sober.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
