so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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