I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
