I want to make a zoo with you.
one might say we're banned from that church
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize