I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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