If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
