i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
