She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
