I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
