google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
