every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm really busy with my period
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