I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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