Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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