you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize