Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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