Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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