i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
