Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
