and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
