dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
