my vag is so smooth its legendary
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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