OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Floor bacon is actually really good
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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