It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
