he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You are a genius and a whore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize