I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
