i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
