Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize