No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
