My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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