dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize