Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
