just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
