i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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