Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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