I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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