I just saw a hot homeless man
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
