drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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