i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize