you guys were way drunker than both of me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
