You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
