i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
