I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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