so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
