chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
