Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
