don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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