Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
