You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
