please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
