And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
