man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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