Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
