I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize