How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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