Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
