Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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