she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
