Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
