he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
