i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
