i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
