Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I puked a lego.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
