We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
