just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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