Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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