Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
