living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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