So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
