she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
